The Beginning
...I started this blog because of a chipmunk.
Hello All,
The pleasure is all mine. I have always been interested in blogging but my horoscope never told me the date to start, so I have been waiting for a sign. This week a chipmunk sent the clearest sign of all...
I consider myself having a pretty normal, basic, boring morning routine- even with the Tina Turner lip-syncing(but that's pretty standard, right? RIGHT?). Shower-brush teeth-consider flossing-mouthwash-skip flossing-get dressed-makeup-time check-skip breakfast. But four days ago, one of our woodland creatures had a different idea for me. As I literally dragged myself out of the shower with half of a towel wrapped around my body, knocking over every Bath & Body Works lotion I own to find my glasses. I see the quick movement of something that should NOT be in my room.
At this point, I have come to two very reasonable conclusions. One, by the size and quickness of said animal, that was a rat. Because of the size and quickness, I will need to move out of state, leave my family, job and responsibilities behind because there is no way I can survive the swift Armageddon a rat that quick will surely bring about. Two, there was some paranormal movement in my room and I can finally apply to be on Ghost Adventures. I don't really care what they find in my house but someone has got to tell that guy to STOP WITH THE TAPOUT SHIRTS! Luckily/Unluckily (depending on how you look at it), the little dark fuzzball that scared the shit out of me was a cute little chipmunk. Awwww....right? What a cute little chipmunk maybe he will sing me high pitched Christmas tunes. FALSE. Woodland creatures are only cute in the context of the woods.
Don't believe me?
In order to convey the exact feeling the little, scuttling guy gave me, I have taken a few pictures from my mental storage locker and present them to you.
What my vision of a chipmunk is outdoors:
Don't believe me?
In order to convey the exact feeling the little, scuttling guy gave me, I have taken a few pictures from my mental storage locker and present them to you.
What my vision of a chipmunk is outdoors:
What my vision of a chipmunk is in my house:
As you can see I have some serious issues with indoor woodland animals.
But this was not your average, dropped-out-of-woodland-creature-college chipmunk. This was an IVY league chipmunk. He studied the art of living in human domains and probably wrote the book on it! I mean this is a chipmunk who wears ties on his days off and uses words like garrulous and exculpate in his mental chipmunk speech. He discusses the vicious cycles of a class system and once counted to infinity. This chipmunk is intellectual.
Naturally, with such a brainy opponent, it was hard to catch that little guy. But I would like you to know with the help of a live trap and a very convincing speech given to the chipmunk by me (while I was standing in my bed with a broom with my Braveheart accent), the little bugger runs free in the wild once again!
But this little guy started my noggin a-twirling. My life is full of ridiculous moments, like the above, that I cannot help but share. So, these stories, along with fashion, makeup and life reviews will be the premise of my blog. I hope you guys decide to stick around and see what life has in store for me next week.
**Also, if you made it this far in the story and absolutely hated it, I apologize. However, I have built in a drinking game for you! Yay for multi-purpose writing! All you have to do is drink a wine cooler every time you see the word chipmunk. After that just sit in a room crying because that is all that is left to do after 13 wine coolers.
Later
But this was not your average, dropped-out-of-woodland-creature-college chipmunk. This was an IVY league chipmunk. He studied the art of living in human domains and probably wrote the book on it! I mean this is a chipmunk who wears ties on his days off and uses words like garrulous and exculpate in his mental chipmunk speech. He discusses the vicious cycles of a class system and once counted to infinity. This chipmunk is intellectual.
Naturally, with such a brainy opponent, it was hard to catch that little guy. But I would like you to know with the help of a live trap and a very convincing speech given to the chipmunk by me (while I was standing in my bed with a broom with my Braveheart accent), the little bugger runs free in the wild once again!
But this little guy started my noggin a-twirling. My life is full of ridiculous moments, like the above, that I cannot help but share. So, these stories, along with fashion, makeup and life reviews will be the premise of my blog. I hope you guys decide to stick around and see what life has in store for me next week.
**Also, if you made it this far in the story and absolutely hated it, I apologize. However, I have built in a drinking game for you! Yay for multi-purpose writing! All you have to do is drink a wine cooler every time you see the word chipmunk. After that just sit in a room crying because that is all that is left to do after 13 wine coolers.
Later
No comments:
Post a Comment